I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize