Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
