Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I want her autograph on my taint
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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