I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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