sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just high enough for therapy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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