Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
