Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
