I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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