Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
