he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize