it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
