We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He shit in the fireplace
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
