Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
