I CAN MOONWALK!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
