I'm really into asian looking animals
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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