is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
