I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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