I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Text me some of your sweat
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize