We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
