Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
