Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize