I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
