I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
