john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
