Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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