Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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