He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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