hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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