come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Boobs speak an international language.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
