once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
