is your mom at the bar?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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