Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
