just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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