yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Even my vagina gasped.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
