I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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