I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
