dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
