I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
