so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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