at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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