They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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