you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
