you guys were way drunker than both of me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
