I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
