we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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