There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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