I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
