Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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