I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
