Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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