You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
