Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You pole danced in your parka.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
