the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
