I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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