I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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