Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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