He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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