nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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