Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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