is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
