Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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