Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
