i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
