I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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